I Need A Cigarette

Internet, from here on out I am smoking a cigarette when ever and where ever the fuck I please. I have a theory that cigarettes were primarily designed to deter me from kicking your ass. However, as it stands, I just so happen to live in a state that has deemed fit to outlaw smoking in it's restaurants and bars. This can seriously only mean one thing and one thing only Internet. You're all a bunch of fucking pussies. Every single fucking one of you. You all have giant Labium on your pointy fucking foreheads.

I could care less if you don't want to smell my cigarette smoke Internet. Why don't you take it upon yourself to move the fuck away from my general vicinity? Are you well aware of the fact that the average American doesn't bathe on a daily basis? This means while going anywhere deemed fit for the general fucking public, I am forced to smell massive amounts of your grotesque body odor. Do I complain about it? Fuck no, because it's none of my concern as to why you cannot figure out the complex equations regarding fucking soap and water.

Do not tell me I have bad breath. I am a Smoker. I am aware that my breath smells like a fucking ash tray. Wherein does it state that I am supposed to give a fuck? Do I complain about your fucking pie hole reeking of tofu and strawberries dipped in shit? No... Internet, the American Public tends to have breath that smells as if they have been gnawing on fucking roadkill in the middle of the nearest intersection. Considering the fucking fact that your mouth is probably home to more bacteria than Paris Hilton's Gine, the idea of you giving me any kind of problem for smoker's breath is utterly fucking preposterous.

Quit fucking telling me smoking is inherently bad. I get the fucking message. As a matter of fact, the fucking message is scrawled across each and every fresh pack of fucking Camel Filters I purchase. At the same rate, If I were to live in California I could have the luxury of breathing in Carbon Monoxide by the fuckload. Emphysema, Heart Disease, and Cancer are all prevalent in half the useless shit invented. You don't have to be a fucking Asian to figure this out. In the event I die from smoking, I'll just be another statistic. Who gives a shit? Atleast I died doing something I enjoyed. Internet, could the same be said for you? I fucking doubt it.

Internet, I see right through your fallacious acts of dumbass guidance. All smokers are aware of the fact that you, the non-smoker, don't really give a fuck about us. We know you could care less about the impact smoking has upon our health, therefore when we're out smoking a nice freshly lit Marlboro, just shut the fuck up and quit gawking. It's not our health that concerns you, it's the inconvenience you feel being near us. I do not smoke to get in the way of your convenient little insignificant presence. I smoke to deter myself from fucking your cock socket up with my goddamned Made-In-Taiwan tennis shoes. Every time you open your gob in an attempt to relish me with some so called 60 minutes imitation of fact, I begin to dream about stomping across your face and shoving my cigarette lighter up your tightly puckered ass. That is a fact.

I need a cigarette.