Cell Phones Are The Apocalypse

Cell Phones are the Apocalypse. There was no need to execute Saddam Hussein, Internet. All we had to do was place a cell phone in his hand and he would have tied his own noose then and there. Cell phones are nothing but leashes upon today's ever changing society. What once was a 9-5 job is now becoming increasingly, an all the time affair. I have no fucking patience at all with cell phone companies. Everything costs an arm and an asshole. Texting, downloading games, ringtones, networks, roaming, disclosure fees, contract fee, hidden dicks on a swinging sidewalk... blah bla--fucking BLAH! Cingular, I especially hate you. Cingular Employees, I pity your mothers for having children who know nothing more than grunting the occasional greeting of, "Welcome to Cingular [Home of the New AT and T]... How may I help you today?" You can help me by shutting the fuck up when I walk through the door. You can help me by letting me do an action commonly referred to as "browsing" when I walk into your claustrophobia inducing corner store. Cingular Corporation, the only piece of advice I can give you is this: OFF YOURSELVES!!! If you do not have any idea how to do so conveniently, discreetly, and without leaving a mess, then I will furnish an idea for you because I am that fucking cool.

The one thing I hate the most in this world is to overhear someone's conversation on their cell phones in public places. If I am in the middle of the goddamned Wal-Mart, I do not want hear you in the next aisle over on your cell phone talking your to elderly grandmother about what a whore your sister is for getting crabs from that trucker she fucked in the bathroom of the 7/11.... fuck that, you inconsiderate whore.

Another thing I greatly despise is the invention of Bluetooth. What is the fucking point of a small speaker you shove into your ear that you still have to use within walking distance of your cell phone? If you wanted a hands free set-up, you should have boughten one instead of subjecting me to look deeply into your ear to determine if you are schizophrenic or if there really is something going on in that fucking cock socket of yours. Congratulations America, for $99.99 you have officially made yourselves look like self affirming swallow talking dickheads. Bluetooth user, do you know of a bigger dickhead than you? This guy right here.

Why the fuck must you all have a cell phone? They're over priced and cheap. Do you where most cell phones are created? TAI-FUCKING-WAN! Cell Phone, why the fuck must you annoy me everywhere I go? Why the fuck must I get calls at any time other than when it is convenient? Why do you come with a vibration feature and it isn't geared towards masturbation? Cell phone users, I fucking hope you die. You're not the fucking shit because you can carry on a conversation anywhere without having consideration for anyone else. America, from now on, if you are in a 30 foot radius of me and talking on your cell phone obnoxiously loud; I will headbutt your fucking forehead until you skull caves in.