Fuck A Vegan

Internet, I rarely understand why the fuck you deny yourselves the few privileges we as Americans have. For instance, eating meat. Meat is the fucking shit. Meat is a necessary factor in human survival. Besides crucial amounts of protein and body regulation, it also strengthens your immune system. So tell me, Internet. What the fuck is wrong with you all for denying yourselves the right to indulge in a fucking T-Bone or Sirloin?

I thought the fucking concept of a vegetarian was enough. You know, the whole "I'm too pussy to cut into a piece of beef but once in awhile I'll eat deep fried animal fat by products" facade really got me rollin'. Is this just something trendy now? Is Vegan a claim you people spout around beatniks and hippies so you can blend in and smell like patchouli and play bongos? Let me educate you, Internet. Somebody has to do it.

As referenced by Dictionary.com:

Veg·an /'v?d??n; especially Brit. 'vig?n/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[vej-uhn; especially Brit. vee-guhn]

Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

a vegetarian who omits all animal products from the diet.

[Origin: 1940–45; veg(etari)an]

—Related forms

veg·an·ism, noun

Now let me show you who founded the Vegan movement. You think it was somebody revolutionary don't you? You think perhaps this is the motherfucker who invented the Cotton Gin and the Printing Press? Try again dumbasses. His name is Donald Watson. He's from the United Fucking Kingdom. We don't even get weed from there. He's approximately 5 feet tall and weighs 90lbs. I wonder why he's so small? It's because he doesn't fucking eat meat. It's because his body is digesting his liver in hopes to sustain itself for just long enough to look forward to a juicy steak and a beer. Do you know how he thought the term "Vegan" into existence? He was in his cabin. Which is located in the middle of a pasture of sheep, which he won't eat, with his wife, which he won't eat, and he thought it up while having tea. I fucking hate Tea. Tea will not get me drunk.

America, animals are like people. They fuck, a lot. You should know this. You're not an animal rights activist if you say so, but have yet to attend a protest. As a matter of fact, this makes you a bitch. Do you know what rights an animal has? It has the right to end up on my fucking plate with a little A-1 Sauce. Internet, there is always going to be some fucking animal we can dose with chemicals and breed the fuck out of for food. This is life. Do not ask me to put myself in an animal's place because I just couldn't give a shit.

Fuck a Vegan!